Highs and Lows... A Roller Coaster!!

Soooo let's talk (blog) freely.... Since the separation of my marriage I have gone through several states of emotion. I often refer to these oscillations as the "Amie Roller Coaster." However, I am starting to wonder if I have always experienced highs, lows, joys, disappointments and was so overwhelmed with "my life" that I didn't recognize the ride. I used to avoid discussing these fluctuations in disposition with people to avoid judgement or advice. "You are bipolar," "You should take Prozac," "Do Yoga," and my favorite "Maybe it is a tumor!" Well, I chose to do nothing about the fluctuations but to embrace them and create my own personal themed roller coaster of highs and lows with the predetermined outcome of learned wisdom. At the end of a roller coaster you are always dizzy, disoriented but better experienced in your response to the ride and always smiling ready to take on the next, more challenging ride. By approaching this behavioral mechanism, that is often counseled or medicated, with a humorous and honest outlook I have kind of made a game out of it!

Now when people ask me how things are going or say things like; "you look beat up." I am going to thank them and say... "I think I have a tumor!" I am excited in the anticipation of the responses. I will keep you posted and all I can say is RIDE THE RIDE KNOWING YOU ARE GROWING! Welcome to the roller coaster of the life we all live. ENJOY!!!

Athletic Morph

Today as I finished my umpteenth triathlon and I thought about the journey they have taken me on. I started racing and getting smoked about 5 years ago but I didn't start swimming until about 3 years ago. That makes no sense, but is true. I remember my first 400 meters in the pool like yesterday. That is 8 laps in my workout pool and I thought I was going to die. I couldn't get air and I was faster running on the bottom of the pool. It took me 12 minutes in my first triathlon to swim the 400. When I decided it was time to try a bigger race I had speeded up in the pool but had not practiced in the open water. 3-4 years ago in the Havasu spring sprint triathlon I stood on the beach watching people "warm up" by swimming around in cold water thinking.. are they nuts? The gun went off, I went running into the icy water and not only got pummeled but could not get air. I would turn my head to the side in your standard freestyle pattern and swallow half the lake due to the cold choppy water. At about the 100 meter mark I held on to a kayak begging the volunteer to drag me from the lake. He would not help me out so I began to breast stroke to keep my face out of the freezing water. Finally around the second buoy at about 250 meters my face was completely numb and I could get some air. As I crawled out of the lake after a 22 minute 400 meters, I clearly remember pointing at "friends" on the shore and telling them I hated them and always would. Apparently I was not alone in this crazy swim that day, 32 other swimmers had been pulled to safety after panic attacks and sheer cold. I survived. So why not try a bigger and better race. I started swimming in the pool more and pushing myself toward the mile.

I enter the Irongirl olympic length race in Lake Las Vegas. It is a beautiful day but the water is cold and I still can't understand how people are in the water to "warm up?" I will stay on the grass as long as possible thank you. The gun goes off, the 500 ladies on the grass run through a small gate and enter the water for a mile swim. I remember being unable to see because of the angle of the sun on the water. I remember being out of breath and I remember a fellow competitor going over my head and kicking me in the face. Then I was on a boat and out of the race. The incident was described to me as a full blown panic attack. The poor boat driver who was a volunteer and complete stranger to me was trying to console a sobbing heap on the floor of his boat for over 1 hour until the swim section ended. Ok at this point, really can we stop with this open water swim thing? NOPE! I approach a dear friend of mine and say; "OK, lets do this..." She proceeded to take me to the lake drop me in icy water and say; "SWIM!" I did and I swam in that lake a lot. In addition, she put me in a Master's swim club 3 times a week where 55-65 year old men kick my butt daily. I got better so much better that this spring I swam in my first Ironman (2.4 miles) with a time of 1:13 and today I swam a mile in 28 minutes. It makes me smile and reminds me that determination, friendship and not being afraid of failure makes life amazing. Oh and today I was in the top 5 of my age group for the first time ever in an olympic race! Woot Woot! Celebrate what is good in this life!!

The New Adventure Begins...

40!! I am turning 40!! What is that about? I still feel 18 and often behave in a manner that would suggest I am 18. I am unsure how it has happened but 40 years have passed in this journey. It is an interesting feeling, I am not unhappy, not scared, just shocked that I have lived this life. In my youth, I was sure I would have "it" all figured out by 40. Not the case, I barely make it through the day without screwing something up or begging for forgiveness. So what is next?

Everything is next! I am so excited to conquer another 40 in a new phase and with a new found attitude. The list of things I hope for is immense and challenging but I think I can do this! In the next 40 years, my boys might have families of their own, I could move where I wish to live and there may be love in my life again. Imagine the possibilities. I have decided the best thing to do is stay open to the possibilities and stop planning so much. In the first 40, I have planned the crap out of it.. and when things didn't work as planned. I fell apart and the world was ending and etc. so on. So promise to self, Self... less planning, more spontaneous doing. See where it takes you and enjoy the ride a little more! So as I climb this 40 hill to ski the mountain on the other side, I am so excited to be approaching my mid-life with and attitude of adventure.

August Already?

Holy Cats is it August? For most the month of January is the start of a new year, a time of renewal and goal setting. Not for me! August is the new year for me. School starts, my birthday and the start of a journey into fall begins in August.

When I was young the birthday was the biggest event in August, of course. However, this year is a big one (40) and I have this feeling like I have been trying to stuff all adventure into the last year. In my a 39th year I have accomplished a great deal of "firsts" or first attempts. I started dating online (very strange, I guarantee I will post on that at some time), attempted my first Ironman, ran my first marathon, got my second Masters degree, got an school administration job (went to the dark side) and am beginning to find myself for the first time. Hello 40! Glad you got here I am starting to get worn out trying to beat the clock. Yet this year is already booked; Teachers come tomorrow, race next week, race in 2 weeks, race in September, race in December, Ironman in May, need another marathon. See, things to do adventure to be had and more life to live.

School in August has always been one of my most favorite things! I love fall and school supplies, school clothes and now the return of energy pods (kids). I am so excited to be at a school with a preschool and elementary, which is new for me. I know I am going to be in awe of teachers that can hold the attention of the little pods for an entire school day. I am also so excited to see them on a playground. Then to top it off there will be middle school and high school kids as well. Talk about the perfect amount of stimulus for my over-active brain.

So as the days become shorter and the nights become longer, I will jump back into my structured work and workout schedule. I will watch my boys in their new school uniforms head to school another year older and a little bit wiser. I will be calmed by the crazy insanity that is our lives during school and train for an Ironman that is really a wellness program to help me survive this life. Happy August, Happy New Year!

Ames